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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  November 15, 2012 7:30pm-8:00pm PST

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how wouldn't it be funny if in this election it turned out that romney and biden had both won and ended up as president and vice president, wouldn't that have been funny and i said, oh, i don't think that could happen, jason. as a man who knows a lot about like -- and he's like "well, i thought that was the scenario. well, it turns out that could happen! he was referring to a scenario which i found out later where if the electoral college was tied the president would have gotten kicked to the house of representatives where they might have picked mitt romney, the senate would have picked the vice president, they would have picked joe biden and that's how it would have happened. once again there's -- one of the things i hate the most about me -- (laughter). is how much (bleep) i don't know. (laughter) everyday there is (bleep) that i don't know. (laughter) and i've got to tell you,
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television is -- if you're ever looking to display your ignorance -- (laughter). what a medium! (laughter) so jason sudeikis, i apologize. he just walked out and i was up until 3:00 in the morning like electoral college -- oh, i'm stupid! that being said, tonight's show, republicans still reeling from their electoral defeat last week and reassessing their outreach efforts after suffering enormous erosion of support amongst asians, latinos and african americans or, as republicans sometimes refer to the groups, the reason their kids didn't get into their first-choice schools. (audience reacts) but there is one -- oh, yes, they do! (laughter) but there is one bright spot on the g.o.p.'s demographic map. >> married women tended to favor mitt romney. >> jon: married women!
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(laughter) now why do you think specifically married women would favor mitt romney? please feel free to paint this demographic in the most positive light you can. >> married women think about the future of their children. >> they have more responsibility and you're running a household. >> so married you tend to be more settled, you're thinking about the kids, thinking about how the country's going to be when they grow up. >> they're not just some selfish (bleep). (laughter) (cheers and applause) oh. i'm sorry. they didn't say that. they paraphrased it. >> among single women, a whopping 67% voted for the president. >> i can't explain, for example, single women other than the abortion issue. >> their issue is about borg. >> turns out they are one-issue voters. >> we had women who could actually afford birth control, suburban college educated women turn out and say "i want free birth control." >> jon: i mean, it was
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unbelievable. these weren't gross slutty poor people women! we're talking tri-delt dealts, alpha chi omegas, gab be gab be heys. joining us now are senior women's issues correspondent kristen schaal. kristen, thank you so much for joining us. (cheers and applause) so here's what we're hearing now. single women, what they're saying is, vote democratic because they don't care about the future of america and only think about abortion. your thoughts on this? >> well, i was totally offended until a certain recent life event changed my priorities. (laughter) >> jon: oh, right, i'm sorry. i'm sorry. you got married this summer. congratulations. i heard you got married. (cheers and applause) that's nice. i heard it was great. i heard it was -- i heard it was a great wedding. i wasn't invited. >> no. (laughter). >> jon: um -- but you seem
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like the same person. >> (laughs) how dare you, jon? as soon as a groom, my groom, carried me across the threshold i felt something new exploding inside me. (laughter) and you know what that was? (laughter). >> jon: no, i don't, i'm not gonna -- >> it was concern for america's future. but single women vote with their vaginas, jon! and they only care about one issue-- the sucking and the (bleep)ing. (laughter) >> jon: isn't that two issues? (laughter) >> not if you're doing it right. (laughter). (cheers and applause) all right, all right. sorry. >> come on, jon, i mean, we all remember the single me.
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(laughter) no, i'm not saying i want to enslave men, i just want to hurt them a little, you know? >> is that cocaine? >> birth control. if you crush it up it hits you so fast. all us lesbians are doing it. >> jon: wow, i actually don't remember that. that was -- (laughter). by the way, if you were a lesbian, why did you have birth control pills? >> why not. under obama they're free. (laughter) anyways, i'm not single anymore and i finally get it. i will fight for the future of my children! >> jon: right, but you don't have children. >> no, but i have my eye on a few down the street. they are so cute! and very u.n. supervised. >> jon: one word of avice if you do have the kid. go-gurt. >> yummy! >> jon: yeah, it's really nice. (laughter) single women are a growing demographic but what can republicans do to win their votes, then? >> well, jon, they have to frame
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their arguments through prism of the vagina. (laughter) >> jon: somewhat narrow prism to look through. (laughter) >> no, some are huge! (laughter) but, jon, all vaginas have a sacred, almost mystical function. >> jon: well, yes, they produce life. they -- >> no, they attract husbands! after you're married, you hardly need one anymore. >> jon: well, no, married women do also use their vaginas -- >> yeah, i guess. maybe to have sex with a four-star general, but how many of those are there? (audience reacts) >> jon: i don't know. i don't know how many four star generals there are. >> 37 counting admirals, but not enough to go around, okay? (laughter). >> jon: so in your mind what can republicans do to vagazzle their message then? >> here, i'll show you, give me
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any issue. >> jon: what about immigration? >> hey, america, let's take charge of our own protection. insert a diaphragm between us and mexico to stop those little swimmers from implanting in our womb of opportunity, our country, our choice! build the dang fence! (laughter). >> jon: wow, that's impressive. that is impressive. i didn't see that coming. (cheers and applause) >> and if that doesn't work, republicans can take care of single women and immigration with the nuclear option. >> jon: nuclear option. what's that? >> a mooney style mass wedding. ten million single ladies, ten million illegal mexican gardeners, 20 million brand new republicans! (laughter) >> jon: hitting two bird with one stadium. >> exactly! and if we get the ladies and the latinos we can keep ignoring the blacks, right? high five! in the sky! high five! in the sky! high five, jon e blowing up! -ïx=uhr(ú'2lt:eá
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(cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back! for centuries british journalism was the gold standard of reportage. authoritative men telling you in clipped accents about train robberies, german bombs and
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rain. (laughter) mostly rain. (laughter) but you have to remember the grand tradition suffered a bit of a blow last year when it was discovered british tabloids have been hacking the phones of not just hugh grant but dead british soldiers and child murder victims. for british journalism it was real -- googly in the collywobbles. (laughter) but that was rupert murdoch's doing who is, as the brits would say, an as (bleep). (laughter) oh, they're -- oh, there's a -- (applause). their word for that is the same as ours. (laughter) but that's not really about the british media. that's just murdoch stuff. the british media remained untarnished by that type of tawdry phone hacking unpleasantness. >> the bbc in crisis. >> it started with jimmy savile. >> he was like the british
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version of our dick clark. >> the wild eyed, wild hair bud much beloved bbc star now deceased who police believe may be one of britain's worst predatory sex offenders ever with possibly hundreds of victims over four decades. they say some abuse may have happened on bbc property. >> jon: wait! that guy? (laughter) that creepy looking dude was britain's dick clark? let me tell you something! first of all, dick clark didn't look like route tkpwer hauer playing one of the child catchers from "chitty chitty bang bang." (laughter) i don't want to judge a book by its cover but if this fellow was a book i'm pretty sure the cover would be "don't leave me alone with your kids: the jimmy savile story." what did this now known
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pedophile host? well, it was a hugely popular show called jim "jim eel fix it" where children would write in and he would grant their wishes. their wishes. (audience reacts) he was like santa claus. but real and a pedophile. (laughter) so really nothing like santa claus. all right, this is a horrific story. but the bbc weren't the only ones who failed to look so too closely into jimmy savile's activities. he received a knight hood and not just from the queen but also-- and this is true-- from the pope. (audience reacts) yeah. i know. the vatican unable to detect -- (laughter). boggles the mind. (cheers and applause) but the bbc is a 90-year-old broadcasting institution. they're going to handle this. as long as they handle it
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properly i think they can weather the storm. >> bbc was working on an investigative report on this but dropped it, sparking allegations against the bbc of a coverup. >> the bbc axed this damning report from its news night program instead airing a growing tribute to jimmy savile the day after christmas. (audience reacts). >> jon: (laughs) the audience tonight is like a living emoticon. (laughter) let me recap this for a second. huh? a top bbc employee systematically abused children for decades with no one in the entire company at any point going "hey, what's all this then?" (laughter) then when they finally investigated, the bbc news found
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out-- only a half century too late-- it (bleep) canned its own report on the sex offender and aired a tribute to him instead. (audience reacts) this is rock bottom, right? please tell me this does not get worse. >> things got even worse when the bbc's flagship program "news night" aired a story wrongly implicating a former politician of sexual abuse at a children's home. >> jon: holy (bleep). (laughter) although, on the bright side, at least someone got accused of pedophilia, right? (laughter) not the right buy but baby steps. i've got to say all that this makes murdoch phone tapping look almost quaint. there's not many times we get to look down on britain and feel superior, which is why it is so satisfying when we can. unfortunately for us we are separated by an ocean from the cbs' sordid, disgustings me.
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>> and the reason this is important for the united states right now lies an interesting story is the director general of bbc 50 days ago -- former director general, mark thompson will now next week take over as the head of the "new york times." (audience reacts). >> jon: what? so that explain the "times" new slogan "all the news that fits under the carpet." (laughter) we'll be right back. pp ú !s6cdr$erf
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(cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back! my guest tonight a pulitzer prize winning best selling author. his new book is called "thomas jefferson: the art of power." please welcome back to the program jon meacham. sir, come on out here! who's better than us? sit. >> well, i could start. >> jon: i know, many people. jon meacham, thanks for joining us. >> thank you. >> jon: "thomas jefferson: the art of power." look at that. look at that picture. that was a good-looking dude. >> he was a good-looking dude. >> jon: you wrote he provided over the country during a time of deep partisan divide and real antagonism in this country. has there ever been a present who hasn't presided -- >> no, james monroe. >> jon: really?
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>> there was an era of good feelings. federalism -- one of the achievements of jefferson is his republicanism really drove federalists mad, which is not also -- which is also initially an analogy right now. >> jon: well, let's define republicanism and federalism as they go. >> republicanism was the voice of the many over the few. and federalists were sort of proto british, much more -- >> jon: elitist? >> authoritarian, elitist. it was based in new england and in south carolina. which has always been trouble. >> jon: and more religious. it was a more religious based -- he was more of your enlightenment type fellow. >> it was his doing that moved the wall metaphor, the separation between church and state, into the vernacular in a letter to the danbury baptist association and that was a critical thing. he -- on his religious views he was a -- somewhat of a skep i can. he described christianity as the
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mere abracadabra of men calling themselves priests of jesus. (laughter) he didn't do well at liberty. >> jon: so when he went to go at speak at falwell university, how did that go over? >> it wasn't -- >> jon: not a big hit. he was called an atheist a at a time. >> an atheist in religion and a fanatic in politics by alexander hamilton of whom jefferson responded after saying that they were daily pitted in the cabinet like two cocks constantly at each other. >> jon: sure. (laughter) that will happen in a cabinet. (laughter) >> pressing on -- >> jon: please. (laughter) am i soiling your pulitzer. (laughter) i'm getting a little tarnish on your pulitzer. >> please don't say "soil." (laughter) as a favor. >> jon: you give as good as you get there. >> as a favor, baby. and then skwrofr son responded
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by saying he declined to have his reputation slandered by a man for whom history from the moment history could stoop to notice him-- with hamilton, who was an illegitimate child-- had not only received his -- received him into the country but had heaped his honors on his head. and all that hamilton had done to repay for this was to issue a tissue of machinations against the liberty of the country. >> jon: wow! >> so it was fun. i know that we think -- >> the snaps that these guys delivered! (laughter) on each other. >> it was good. >> jon: they were at such a level. such a -- they were olympian in their snaps. (laughter) >> it was -- >> there's no "yo mama --" like none of that. >> it was not -- when thomas jefferson went after a political opponent it was not "how's that hopey changey thing working out for you?" (laughter)
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>> jon: the interesting thing to me about jefferson is the narrative of his life is a real focus on enlightenment. of bringing reason. we find ourselves in conspiracy times once again. >> and fundamentalism. >> and fundamentalism. is it hard not to think in your mind "what would jefferson make of this? would he consider this a mild case of this illness? would he consider it full blown?" >> he was an amateur everything. this is a guy who loved wine, women, song, architecture, art gardening, agriculture, and medicine was one of them and he read a lot. he would not have been a good guy if he were a doctor on >> jon: i know what you mean. i'm on it a lot. >> the medical stuff. >> jon: that's right. >> looking stuff up. he was always analyzing, diagnosing himself. >> jon: he had that great story about somebody meets him
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and when they speak to him about medicine and when they talk about archaeology they think he's an -- and then they speak about religion and think he he's a priest and they go to the inn keeper after -- >> and they said who is that man? and the inn keeper said "i thought you knew mr. jefferson." there was remarkable intellectual curiosity inculcated and cultivated at william & mary in williamsburg which he loved. it was a transformative experience for him. >> jon: he and i are just so similar in nature. (laughter) >> i know, i know. (laughter). >> jon: i'm curious how much time he spent there high. because i know for me -- can you stick around? >> sure. >> jon: i want to talk a little bit more. jefferson is truly such a seminal figure in the founding of our country. >> and his views do speak to what we are talking about now. >> jon: no question about it. "thomas jefferson: the art of
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power." it's on the bookshelves now. fascinating. jon meacham. we'll be right back with more. (cheers and applala
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>> jon: that's our show. here silt your moment of zen. >> your colleagues privately say that your decision to stay on prohibits the party from having a younger leerership and hurts the party in the long term. what's your response? >> discrimination!
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